calathea: the 11-day funeral

the honeymoon

i bought her because of the leaves — those silver stripes look hand-painted. the shop said 'she likes humidity.' what the shop meant was: she demands a rainforest, filtered water, and emotional stability you do not have.

what went wrong

everything, in order: tap water (crispy edges, day 3), a draft from the window (curled leaves, day 5), me overcorrecting with more water (day 8). by day 11 she looked like a quesadilla. the calathea hive will say i failed her. they are correct.

would i buy her again?

no. but if you have a humidifier, rainwater, and no other hobbies — she really is the most beautiful thing you can put in a room. i'll try again at fifty plants experience. maybe.